Ice at the Train Station
by morpolpunk
Summary: A song fic, Cold by Crossfade. First in a series. It's Draco's thoughts as they leave the train station 7th year. SLASH-DracoRon. Maybe rated a little high.


Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this short. Nor do I own the lyrics, which are Crossfade's.

AN at the bottom 

I watch you from across the platform. You're standing there, red hair mussed, clothes frayed and threadbare. You're looking at your shoes. Your friends are standing around you but you aren't paying attention to them. You look lost, standing there waiting for the train. Frightened even. You look hollow. I've watched you slowly change. You were a bright hot flame. You've cooled and sputtered like a candle going out. I don't want to admit it but it hurts to watch you, so far away.

Looking back at me I see  
That I never really got it right

I was a glacier. Slow moving, frozen solid ice. It was cold contentment. Satisfying and freezing. I'd been this way since before I could remember. I took pleasure in it. Being forever cold and icing over everything I came in contact with. I spread bitterness like the plague. It was what I did. It was acceptable. Nothing had ever cracked my thick shell of ice. I didn't think it was even possible. But watching you now, reminds me how shattered I have become. Forces me to acknowledge what you did to me. And you don't even know.

I never stopped to think of you  
I'm always wrapped up in  
Things I cannot win

You walk by me, and I catch your eyes. You look right through me. You haven't looked at me since the day you broke me. I didn't realize then that in the next couple of minutes my life would shatter. We were alone in a dark corridor. You stared at me with a building fury. It was so easy, riling you up, making you see red. It was beautiful. Passionate. Earth shaking. It was my favorite thing to do. To make you boil with emotion then be pummeled by your rage. I don't even remember what vindictive slur I used on you that day to make you lunge at me so violently. One minute I was staring at you with a perfect sneer masking my desire. The next I was against the wall and your hand was around my neck. I'd forgotten my mask while marveling at your animalistic ferocity. You couldn't hide your shock when you saw the obvious, raw longing written on my face.

You are the antidote that gets me by  
Something strong  
Like a drug that gets me high

I watched as your face changed, shifted from shock to understanding to hunger. It was sheer beauty to see up close the play of emotion on your face. Your eyes stared fiercely into mine and you attacked my lips with yours. You kissed me brutally; I could feel the bruises forming on my lips. Your hands held me firmly against the wall, all I could do was try and beat you back with my tongue. My hands found your tense body and tracked up your back. I hung onto your shoulders and pulled you closer to me. Ever closer.

What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold

I'll never forget those moments. I've cemented them in my mind for eternity. We found an empty classroom steps from where we'd been standing and frantically rushed in. You had a strong hold on me and pushed me to the floor. You toppled onto me and crushed into my mouth. Your hands found the front of my robes and you hastily pushed them off my shoulders. You pulled at my shirt and I helped you undo the buttons. In moments we were skin to skin. You were hot against me and I could feel your need. You ravished my skin with your mouth. My neck, my chest, my shoulders. Anything in reach of your lips. My hands ran up and down your back, pulling you into me as far as you could go. Your mouth worked down my chest and, just over my stomach, you paused. You grabbed my hips and flipped me over. I obliged for the first time in my life. You shoved yourself against me, your chest against my back. You licked and bit at my neck and shoulder and your hand made its way around my waist. You held me for a moment and I tensed as you pushed inside me. Your thrusts into me were unsteady at first. But they gained confidence and increased in urgency. Your hands grasped at my body as I rocked into you. I could feel your power, your passion. You pounded into me and I felt your body lurch against mine. Your moans, then staggered breathing cut through the room, as we shuddered and collapsed onto the floor. We lay there a moment and you rolled onto the floor next to me. You took my head in your hands and forced me to look into your eyes. That's when I felt myself crack.

And I'm sorry about all the lies  
Maybe in a different light  
You could see me stand on my own again

I can still hear your confession running through my head. You said you'd always watched me. You'd always wanted me. You'd told yourself I was above you. That it was just your imagination that told you I watched you too. You'd dreamed about me but wouldn't let yourself entertain a hope. You held me close in your arms while speaking soft words in my ear. My mouth found yours again and you kissed me warmly. My hands caressed your smooth skin and I found you rising to me again. This time it was slow, soft, tender almost. I took my time exploring your body and enjoyed pleasuring you. I teased you until you arched against me and moaned my name softly. I crawled back up your body and invaded your mouth with my tongue. You rolled me onto my back and nibbled at my neck. You were gentler this time, sliding into me and easily falling into a slow rhythm. Your hands caressed my body and intensified the mounting heat between us. Your lips locked to mine until I felt you shudder and your head fell to my shoulder. I ran my hand through your hair while your breathing steadied. You rested your head on my shoulder for a while, nuzzled up to my neck. I started to melt.

Cause now I can see

You were the antidote that got me by  
Something strong like a drug that got me high

You started speaking again. You told me you thought I was hiding myself from everyone. That there was a different person inside that you'd seen a bit of. You joked that I'm not as much of a bastard as everyone thinks. You said you thought it was all a facade to keep everyone away. That underneath it all, I could really care about someone.

What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold

Something snapped inside me. I got up stiffly and started to dress. You looked up at me, curious. _Don't say a word to anyone_, I hissed at you. A look of shock flashed on your face. Then hurt, then anger. _I know you wanted me_, you said, standing up. _I wanted the fuck I snort_, knowing it will bring that pained look back on your face. I needed the fuel. I needed to push you away, to get rid of you before I broke completely. _That's not true_, you yell, _I know there's something there. I could feel it. _You were getting angry. You're too beautiful when you're angry. I needed to break you. To make you hurt. To make you cry. _That's all you are, Weasley, a quick fuck, nothing important to anybody. Obviously I just figured out the only thing you're good for. _

I never really wanted you to see  
The screwed up side of me that I keep  
Locked inside of me so deep

There it was. The pain was evident in your face. You got up slowly and started dressing. I stood there and watched you; I just couldn't leave you yet. When you finished you walked up to me. You raise your hand to touch my face and I pulled it away sharply. _Get out_ I hiss maliciously. Then I saw it; I saw the light in your eyes die. I felt my ice devouring your failing flame. That's when I shattered. I saw my own emptiness staring back at me from your eyes and it broke me. You turned and walked away from me then.

It always seems to get to me  
I never really wanted you to go

I cried. A torrent of tears that had been frozen up inside me for years. I was broken, I could feel, I was in pain. I'd always known you were dangerous for me. That you could make me feel. I knew I'd had to do it. I knew I had to get rid of you before I ruined you completely. But I had seen the emptiness fill your eyes and I would never forget it. I hoped your light, your flame would come back to you. I hoped I hadn't extinguished it forever. I cried over what we might have had. Over the warmth that you could have brought to my heart. But I knew. Fire and Ice cannot stay together unchanged.

So many things you should have known  
I guess for me there's just no hope  
I never meant to be so cold

I haven't said a word to you since that day. I'm slowly icing back over. Soon it will be like nothing ever happened. I, Draco Malfoy, the Ice Prince, will be a glacier again. But now as we stand on this platform for the last time, waiting for the train to take us to the rest of our lives, I wish I could tell you...

What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold

I never meant to be so cold

A/N- This was my first attempt at fanfic, and I've been on a 8 year hiatus from writing so I hope I'm not too rusty. I heard this song and was immediately hit by how much it sounded like Draco to me. I know it's a little cliché but I tried to make it unique. It started as a one shot but it wouldn't let me go so now it's the beginning of a 5 part series. The other installments can be found on my profile page. They're called Staring at my Shoes, White Sheets, Wrong Without You, and Of Coffee and Conquests. Read 'em all and let me know what you think!


End file.
